The 3 Levels to Openness & Vulnerability in a Guarded World

The Misunderstood Strength of Openness

What do you think about when I tell you to imagine an open human being?

There would be several ways of imagining what an open human being is.

One of them would be a human that has been cut open.

Another possibility would be someone with an open heart, being emotionally available.

Then there is the concept of having an "open mind", being ready to entertain thoughts without identifying with them.

There is many way to see an human as "open".

And how would you describe the quality of being open?

Is it a trait of weakness, or strength?

If you say strength, you probably won't need to read this Loveletter. Thank you.

But if your response was weakness, then keep on reading this. I have something for you.

Especially in our performance driven, western society, we have been conditioned into thinking that being emotionally open can lead to you being a target.

Let alone being vulnerable.

I am here to tell you that being vulnerable is one of the most powerful traits you can have.

Trust me.

All Trauma that we have accumulated over the years in our childhood has resulted in us having our guard up.

Every time you opened up and got hurt, a layer of defense added up.

Your so called "heart-walls" thickened.

But ask yourself, are these walls worth the isolation they bring?

No. We build them to protect ourselves from getting hurt again.

As you get older, you realize that life isn't so scary when you choose good friends.

Then, because our ego does not like being identified as fearful, we attach the intention of being more powerful with our guards.

So in reality it is a survival mechanism, but we thinking it increases our power.

Building strategies on how to move through social situations, projecting your ideals scenario of how things will move. Your will playing the puppet master.

Stop.

We all know how this plays out.

Reality rarely works out the way you exactly want to.

There are probably some black magician puppet masters who know how to manipulate reality with their will.

I say these are the most lost people on this planet.

Imagine how alone they feel. I wouldn't trade my conscious interdependence on my human surroundings for anything that a mortal can give me.

And today I will teach you how to be open, vulnerable and inspired without setting yourself as a target.

The way of being open and harnessing the power of it.

"The wind of change, whatever it is, blows most freely through an open mind."

— Katharine Whitehorn

The Stigma of Openness in a Guarded World

Why does the notion of being open stir a nest of butterflies in our stomachs?

Why do we equate vulnerability with the risk of being laid bare, of potentially being seen as less than we are?

It's because we live in a world that sometimes sees openness not as a bridge, but as a breach— a weakness to be exploited.

Our brain has much more attachment to negative experiences than to positives.

So even if we could say that the world in general isn’t that bad, one traumatic experience of being exploited or hurt can already lead to you building more “heart walls”.

Openness scares us because it's equated with exposure, with the possibility of being hurt. It’s like standing under a cold shower; we know it can invigorate us, make us feel more alive than before, yet the initial shock, the raw rush of cold against our skin, makes us hesitate.

Why? Because feeling truly alive means feeling everything

— the good and the bad, the comfortable and the uncomfortable. And that terrifies us.

Society has shaped this fear. From the playground to the boardroom, we learn that to show too much is to invite ridicule or dismissal. Also children are pretty ruthless.

Personal experiences add layers to this protective shell; each time we’ve opened up and been rebuffed, a brick is added to the wall around our hearts.

Yet, what if I told you that this very openness we shy away from could be the key to a fuller, richer experience of life?

That the vulnerability we fear could be our greatest strength?

Consider the paradox of the cold shower again. The initial shock is jarring, but then your body adapts; you begin to feel more alert, more alive. Openness works much the same way. Yes, there’s an initial discomfort in baring your soul, in letting down your guard. But what follows is a profound connection to the world around you, to the essence of life itself.

The fear of being open, of being vulnerable, isn’t just a personal quirk; it’s a societal construct. We’re taught from a young age to be wary, to keep our cards close to our chest. But this guarded living comes at a cost—it numbs us, not just to potential pain but to potential joy as well.

Why are we afraid of feeling alive? Perhaps it's because to feel alive is to acknowledge that we are, in fact, vulnerable.

It's to accept that we have limits, that we can be affected by the world around us. But it's also to recognize that in this vulnerability lies our capacity to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, to connect deeply with others, and to grow.

Unveiling the True Power of Openness

Defining Openness and Vulnerability:

Openness is one of the Big Five personality traits. The Big Five theory suggests that personality is composed of five major dimensions:

• Agreeableness
• Conscientiousness
• Extraversion
• Openness
• Neuroticism

Exploring High Openness

People with a lot of openness are the curious types.

They're always ready to dive into something new or think in ways that haven't been thought before. They don't just walk past a mystery; they want to solve it, understand it, and maybe even turn it into something amazing.

This love for exploration isn't only about being adventurous. It’s about connecting dots in ways most wouldn’t think to, making them naturally creative. They are the synthesizers. They're the artists, the inventors, the ones who see beyond the ordinary. And often, this creative knack is not random talent; it’s linked to how they see & communicate with the world.

Interestingly, being highly open might also mean being smarter in certain ways.

Research shows that those who are open to new experiences often score higher in intelligence tests. It’s like their brains are wired to keep learning and expanding, making them not just thinkers but doers who push the boundaries of what’s possible.

Understanding Low Openness

Some folks like to stick to the path they know. They find comfort in the familiar, in the routines they've built and the traditions they've always followed. They're not the first to jump at a new idea or chase after a change. Instead, they hold back, cautious about the new and the unknown.

This isn't just about being afraid of change. It's about valuing the security that comes from knowing exactly what to expect. For someone with low openness, the idea of trying something new, whether it's a different job or a new way of thinking, doesn't appeal as much. They might see a chance to move up or to try something different, but they'll often choose to stay where they are, not because they don't want more, but because the comfort of the known is more reassuring than the promise of the unknown.

The Psychological Benefits of Being Open:

Openness, the willingness to face our vulnerabilities, carries profound psychological benefits.

It nurtures authentic connections, where our true selves meet, leading to relationships built on trust and deep understanding.

Openness is a catalyst for growth and learning. Stepping out of our comfort zones, we confront fears and the unknown. This is where growth sprouts, in the rich soil of challenge and discovery. It's here we learn that our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses but doorways to resilience.

We build emotional resilience, learning to manage and understand our feelings, transforming vulnerability into strength.

People who embrace vulnerability become beacons of trust and relatability. They foster an environment where open communication flourishes, laying the groundwork for innovation and collaboration.

This openness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, the ability to be keenly aware of our own emotions and those of others. It enhances empathy, allowing us to connect deeply with others, understanding their perspectives and feelings.

Facing our vulnerabilities diminishes fear's grip on us, inviting a braver, more daring approach to life. Learn about how to be fearless in “8 Way to Fix Your Lack of Courage”

Openness encourages us to express our thoughts and feelings genuinely, a crucial aspect of living authentically. It builds trust and influence, making us more relatable and inspiring to others.

Moreover, embracing openness leads to self-acceptance. Recognizing and accepting our imperfections fosters self-love and confidence. This act of self-acceptance sends ripples through our communities, promoting a culture of authenticity.

Introducing the 3 Layers of Openness:

Introduce into the 3 Layers of Openness: go into that everything is one, but are seperate aspects connected psychosomatically.

There are three basic layers of openness in this framework.

Because our system functions as 1, all of these systems are deeply connected and can’t possibly be seen as seperate (compartmentalized).

Still it is good to know that openness can show itself in different layers of existence, and you will most likely know what I am talking about.

Level 1: Physical Openness

The physical act of opening up and sharing, akin to a seed breaking open to begin its growth journey.

This is about your physical body literally. Are you tense? Is your breath shallow? Is your posture broken? Your shoulders rounded?

Postural readjustments and being aware of your composure is a big key in maintaining openness. Your bodylanguage tells alot about your mental state. It is a challenge to be open mentally when your physical body is showing signs of being defensive.

"We cannot sow seeds with clenched fists. To sow we must open our hands."

— Adolfo Perez Esquivel

Level 3: Emotional Openness

The growth and expansion that comes with emotional openness. Forming connections with others and showing your internal world to others is only possible if you are open emotionally.

You go to a gathering after a disagreement with a friend. Your ability to connect deeply with others there is hindered. Your mind, rather than being present, dwells on the argument. Your emotions, still entangled in the dispute, prevent you from opening up to new interactions.

You are physically at the party, but emotionally, you are elsewhere, replaying the argument, analyzing what was said, and what could have been said differently.

This emotional investment in the past moment acts as a barrier to the present, obstructing the potential for new connections and experiences.

Level 3: Mental Openness

This represents the metaphysical aspect of openness - a fully actualized state of being where one's openness leads to spiritual growth and enlightenment.

Mental openness is about listening & taking in ideas or conversations in general without reacting, but responding to them.

This form of openness demands a level of mental agility and flexibility.

With a spirit of inquiry rather than immediate judgment. It is the ability to flow freely enough to think about things and entertaining thoughts without identifying with them.

"Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open."

— James Dewar

The Balance of Openness

Balancing openness with self-protection means navigating a delicate line between sharing oneself fully and maintaining personal boundaries.

True openness involves vulnerability, an invitation to the world to see us.

However, without the right boundaries, this openness can become overexposure, leaving us susceptible to emotional exhaustion, manipulation, or worse.

It's crucial to recognize that being open does not equate to being unprotected.

Think of it as a garden.

A garden without any walls invites every passerby to take from it, trample its beds, and leave it barren.

But a garden with too high walls might as well be a fortress, its beauty unseen, its fruits untasted. The art is in building just the right height of walls—enough to protect against harm while still inviting in those who can appreciate and add to its beauty.

It’s a harmonious dance where you pour your heart into others but sometimes flinch your teeth so the listeners know that they should not take advantage of you being open.

It’s being open but also proactively assertive at the same time.

It's about learning to read the intentions of others, and about understanding our own limits. We must be aware of our vulnerabilities not to hide them away but to protect ourselves from unnecessary harm.

Embracing Openness as a Path to Empowerment

Openness is the foundation for authentic relationships, personal growth, and a life lived fully. This exploration, demanding both courage and caution, teaches us that true strength is not in the walls we build but in the gates we choose to open.

The power of openness lies in its dual nature: it is both a shield and a gateway.

It allows us to face the world with our vulnerabilities, to learn from our experiences, and to grow from them. Openness challenges us to confront our fears & to step into the unknown.

Profit from the Benefits of Being Open!

In the end, the true measure of our strength lies in our ability to be open and vulnerable, to embrace life in all its complexity, and to do so with a heart that knows when to open and when to protect.

It’s a dance.

This is the art of living openly—a profound, empowering way to walk through the world.

I encourage you to walk on this fine line.

Pour your heart out and show your teeth at the same time!

Kiss kiss,

Tarkan

Sources:

Big Five personality traits

8 Way to Fix Your Lack of Courage