Wolf in Sheep's Clothing: 5 Steps to Deal with Narcissism & Spiritual Bypassing

Confronted again with the Plague of Narcissism

Let me tell you about a story of when I moved to the island São Miguel,

the place where I reside at the moment.

Back when I was studying Industrial Design in Berlin, Germany, I was obsessed with the thought of leaving this country as soon as I graduated.

So I was searching for options. One big scenarios that could have been was Costa Rica.

I was reading about the Expat Community there, but also how expensive it is to live there.

As well as the challenges you face in terms of permanent stay and visa.

At some point, I connected with a guy in a community chat about regenerative agriculture.

It was through my redesign of Viktor Schaubergers bio-plow that he invited me to work for his community project on the azores.

In short, I arrived, I observed, and then I quit the project. Others were also surprised by the behavior of this community leader.I am thankful that he showed me this wonderful island. I call this my home for now.

And I want to root.

But the point here is that the other people and I encountered a companion with strong signs of being a narcissist. Plus he was using spirituality to bypass.

He was one of those people who always preached about love and positivity. If you showed any signs of negativity, he would accuse you of having a low vibe.

The amount of ridiculousness for me is astonishing. Looking back now, it was a fun time and also necessary.

Don’t get me wrong, I was seeing these tendencies from the beginning. I had to ride because I moved to his project in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with no money. I did not knew anybody. He connected me to amazing people & it was a good launching pad to start my journey on this island.

So my plan was to be 100% ride or die for this project, until its too much and I am out.

I saw firsthand how a person with narcissistic tendencies operates. He is delusional about himself and his self-image. This practice was amazing.

If you are reading this S****, I hope you let yourself be vulnerable and actually see how many friends you lost until now. Finding friends for your project feels like assembly line work to you. But deep down, your inner child just wants to have friends.

The Community of São Miguel knows who you are.

I hope you managed that financial shithole you were in, and not digged a bigger shithole.

I hope you learn to go through negative emotions, because you have a lot of shame digged inside of you. Your perfectionism for everything and everyone is creating the shame you have for yourself.

Open up about your weaknesses and get help from family and friends.

Read: 3 Levels to Openness & Vulnerability in a Guarded World

The Narcissistic Guru: Identifying Red Flags

These leaders are charismatic and authoritative. They appear to guide others towards enlightenment.

If you show doubt or pain, you will be seen as lowering the overall energy.

“He says the best way out is always through. / And I can agree to that, or in so far / As that I can see no way out but through”

― Robert Frost

It's a sophisticated form of avoidance, where spiritual practices and beliefs are misused to sidestep personal issues and emotional wounds. Instead of facilitating genuine healing and growth, these practices become a means to an end, serving the narcissist's agenda under the guise of spiritual advancement.

In these communities, the complexity of human experience is grossly oversimplified. Emotions are positive and negative, with the latter unwelcome. It denies the full range of human emotions and experiences. It reduces them to a pursuit of constant happiness. This pursuit is both unrealistic and harmful.

This is a reductionist approach to spirituality.

What is Spiritual bypassing?

The interplay between narcissistic leaders and their followers often reflects deeper psychological dynamics. Empaths and individuals with a tendency to please are particularly vulnerable.

Followers feel trapped between their own sense of knowing and the authority of the guru. This leads to confusion, self-doubt, and spiritual stagnation.

To navigate this landscape, you need more than caution. You need to be aware of signs that show narcissism pretending to be spiritual leadership.

We need to remember that real spiritual progress is not about passionately following someone else. It is about genuinely walking our own path. This is true even if our path takes us away from charismatic leaders who claim to guide us.

There is no savior but you.

How to Deal with Narcissism Around You

The Role of Discernment on the Spiritual Path

In the realm of spiritual growth, discernment is a necessity.

Being able to see things as they really are is important. It helps us tell the difference between what is real and what is fake. It helps us cut through all the unnecessary stuff.

This skill is very important when dealing with spiritual communities. Sometimes, it can be hard to tell the difference between enlightenment and ego bloating. Developing discernment on this path is crucial to honing an inner compass.

It's about cultivating a state of open, attentive awareness,

where we're neither blindly accepting nor dismissively skeptical, but curiously and carefully evaluating.

Real spiritual leadership, in its most authentic form, guides us back to ourselves.

True spiritual teachers inspire us not to follow them but to explore our own depths, to discover our inner strength and wisdom. This kind of leadership feels like an empowerment, a liberation, rather than an obligation to impress or serve.

5 Steps in the Discernment Process

1st: Check if there is room to acknowledge the full range of the human experience. This includes negative emotions, rather than demonizing them. It also means not simplifying the complexity of being human to just "high vibes." Denying this full spectrum is a clear indication of bypassing.

Whenever you encounter teachings or Individuals that solely focus on positive emotions, are constantly robotically positive & demonize the negative, challenge this by reflecting on the necessity of embracing the full spectrum of human emotions.

Dangers of Spiritual Bypassing

Understand that growth often comes from discomfort. Denying any part of your emotional experience can hinder your path to enlightenment.

2nd: Diversify your spiritual diet. Expose yourself to many spiritual teachings and practices. This will help you gain a well-rounded perspective. You can compare and contrast different viewpoints.

It's like cross-training in fitness. You work out different spiritual "muscles." This helps you develop a more balanced and discerning understanding.

3rd: Ask for helpful advice: Talk about your spiritual practices and beliefs with friends or mentors you trust. They should be willing to challenge you. Feedback from others can give you a different viewpoint. It helps you notice when you might be going in the wrong direction.

Sometimes your surroundings can be confusing because they don't know you as well as you know yourself. But also, sometimes listening to your friends can be quite helpful. We Humans tend to be more objective about third parties.

4th: Its not about what the collective feels, its about what you feel! This is crucial to understand; as noone is involved into the situation like you are. You have a unique view because you saw situations that others did not. Don't assume everything is good just because the people in the community seem good.

Lets talk about the example in the introduction. At the beginning of the project, there were two people physically present, including me. The others were investors or friends who would join us later.Only I could understand what is going on. The people in the zoom online calls didn't know what was happening. They only saw the "bright side" and the "high vibes".

Why do Narcissists attract so many good people?

Narcissists have a complicated relationship with empaths and people pleasers. They interact in a dance of energy and influence.

Narcissists appear confident and sure in a world that is uncertain. They have a strong frame which many crave for.

This can be very appealing to people who feel they don't have these qualities. It attracts empaths and people pleasers to them.. Yet, this attraction is not without its lessons. The universe, in its wisdom, brings these opposites together as a means of growth.

The empath can learn about boundaries and self-worth. The narcissist can see beyond their own reflection and recognize the value of genuine connection and empathy. If they can.

The Science of Spiritual Narcissism

What is True Spirituality again?

Leaving Berlin for São Miguel taught me more than a change of surroundings. It showed me the true meaning of spirituality.

The goal wasn't to escape to a paradise island. Instead, it was to face the hidden realities that lie beneath wishful thinking and fantasizing about a savior.

I am my own saviour now.

A real spiritual journey involves digging deep into our own soil. Even if they claim to be enlightened, we shouldn't simply follow in the paths of others.

This story is not just about recognizing signs of a narcissistic leader. It's about understanding personal empowerment at it's core.

True spirituality leads us back to ourselves.

To understand this, we need to look at ourselves honestly and commit to growing. We also need to know when to be open and when to be cautious of false prophets and good salesmen.

Ask Yourself This…

You have to go & grow through these lessons yourself.

In my observations my journey originated from my father wounds. My Father is a narcissist at the core.

I was searching for a saviour along the way. Someone who could take the place of the father. It sounds strange, but we need to go ask ourselves: Why do I keep attracting such kind of people in my life?

Rest in deep contemplation my Love.

Thank you for reading this.

Tarkan

Sources:

The Science of Spiritual Narcissism

What is Spiritual bypassing?

Dangers of Spiritual Bypassing