Empathy is Overrated: Self Centeredness vs. Being Egocentric

Real Empathy? It’s a Myth!

No matter how hard we try,
we can never truly see the world through someone else’s eyes.

Why?

Because even if you empathise with someone, it will never be 100 percent truth. Because you’re still experiencing everything through your subjective lens.
All is Self. Your Universe is you. There is no other viewpoint.
You are the universe experiencing itself.
I know, it sounds cheesy, but thats how it is.

And it’s okay!
We don’t need to be empathetic all the time.
It’s overrated.
Don’t fall into the trap of a saviour complex.

You are not a special snowflake.
Go manage yourself first.
Be centered. Be the central point; the star of your solar system.

“If you can't even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?”
— Jordan Peterson

Self Centeredness vs. Being Egocentric

The big problem here is the confusion between healthy Self-centeredness & being egocentric.

A healthy human cares about his needs first.
In a plane crash, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Selfish?
No, it's necessary.
You need to survive to help others.

But it’s not only about survival.
It goes deeper than that.
Even if you’re thriving in life, the same rule applies:
you must prioritize yourself to help others.

Imagine…

You aim to help the ones in need through political activism, spending 15 years in sacrificing your own desires for helping others.
15 Years went by, you are still barely above water financially, suffering from stress, but your saviour complex keeps going.
Your family is questioning what you are actually doing.
They are seeing that nothing moves for you.
But you feel good, because you satisfied your ego attachment to altruism (yes).

Thinking you are a hero, you fooled yourself.

Now Imagine scenario 2:
You are Self centered; for 15 years you think about your own solar system.
Building an ecosystem around yourself.
You start feeding yourself, then the people around you.
Year by years you gain more power, but you are a responsible person with values.
So you don’t abuse that power.

After 7 years, you started supporting your family financially.
After 15 years, you are doing good. Now, you decide to help others in need.
You spend a significant amount of money for charity.
You just now, created more impact in a matter of seconds, than in the first scenario of working 15 years.

You see, it’s not about what you did.
It’s about how you do it.
What kind of energy you are embodying.
It’s about living happy.

I am writing this article, because I have seen many people who work in the social fields. I have worked for 3 years in a political theater. Seeing their innate need to help others, combined with their own incompetence to manage their own life’s.
Their drive’s comes from a mental frame, thinking their are obligated to sacrifice for the greater good. I felt little heart energy there.

Political agendas, fighting war with war like emotions, being against the government. But in the end, most of their projects were funded by the government.

Too much hypocrisy for me.

“Self” vs “self”

There is a differentiation; self with a small letter s is you.
The Self with a capital S is incompassing all that supports you, of being you.

• Family
• Tribe
• Society
• Culture

The Self is including the direct reflection that your self needs, in order to come into the world. If you would not have people to interact, work, exchange and reflect with, you would not have anything coming out of yourself. This is important to see, because just as the solar system has it’s planets, so do you have those representatives in your life.

What is Being Egocentric then?

Well, being egocentric often stems from anxious attachment and a need for validation. This behavior is rooted in insecurity. Your focus shifts to how others perceive you, rather than understanding your true self. You might find yourself feeling threatened by potential criticism.

Egocentric individuals often misinterpret relationships.
They see others as tools for self-affirmation rather than as equals.
This leads to strained relationships and a cycle of disappointment, because no amount of external validation can fill your internal void.

Anxious attachment fuels this cycle. The fear of rejection and the need for constant reassurance push you into a egocentric frame.

You become hyper-focused on your needs and insecurities, often at the expense of others' feelings. Recognizing this pattern is the first step to breaking free. You see, how this is completely different from being Self-centered in a healthy way?

Understanding that true security comes from within, not from others, can help you move from egocentricity to a healthier, more balanced self-awareness.

Focus on building inner strength and self-acceptance.
This shift can lead to more fulfilling relationships and a more grounded sense of self.

Mislabeling Self-Centered Behavior as Narcissistic

This is maybe the best advice you’re getting from a man to my women readers.
But don’t take this too seriously, in the end it might be wrong.

It’s just my opinion.
This could sound harsh, but truth is, if you label him as a Narcissist because he doesn’t give back the energy you give to him, you might not be a match.
He might have, subconsciously, decided that you are not nurturing him enough.

The math of energy exchange doesn’t add up.

And that’s okay too, everybody has a different love language. Men are more cautious of this then women, that’s why we retain our attention quicker.
That does not mean he is a narcissist.
Maybe he is just aware that this is not leading anywhere.
And he plays with you.

A narcissist has a personality disorder, which is a mental health condition.
Who are you to judge whether or not he has it?
Are you a doctor?

I have heard to many women throw around this word way too often.

Speak to you next week!
Kiss Kiss,
Tarkan

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